Fortune Cookies

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

Diziet Sma wrote:

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Don't read everything you believe.
I always liked that one :D.

Here's another:

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 _________________________________
( You too can wear a nose mitten. )
 ---------------------------------
   o
    o
        .--.
       |o_o |
       |:_/ |
      //   \ \
     (|     | )
    /'\_   _/`\
    \___)=(___/
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

I especially like the last paragraph - :lol:

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 _________________________________________
/ We were young and our happiness dazzled \
| us with its strength. But there was     |
| also a terrible betrayal that lay       |
| within me like a Merle Haggard song at  |
| a French restaurant. [...]              |
|                                         |
| I could not tell the girl about the     |
| woman of the tollway, of her milk white |
| BMW and her Jordache smile. There had   |
| been a fight. I had punched her         |
| boyfriend, who fought the mechanical    |
| bulls. Everyone told him, "You ride the |
| bull, senor. You do not fight it." But  |
| he was lean and tough like a bad        |
| rib-eye and he fought the bull. And     |
| then he fought me. And when we finished |
| there were no winners, just men doing   |
| what men must do. [...]                 |
|                                         |
| "Stop the car," the girl said.          |
|                                         |
| There was a look of terrible sadness in |
| her eyes. She knew about the woman of   |
| the tollway. I knew not how. I started  |
| to speak, but she raised an arm and     |
| spoke with a quiet and peace I will     |
| never forget.                           |
|                                         |
| "I do not ask for whom's the tollway    |
| belle," she said, "the tollway belle's  |
| for thee."                              |
|                                         |
| The next morning our youth was a        |
| memory, and our happiness was a lie.    |
| Life is like a bad margarita with good  |
| tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey  |
| onto my granola and faced a new day.    |
|                                         |
| -- Peter Applebome, International       |
| Imitation Hemingway                     |
|                                         |
\ Competition                             /
 -----------------------------------------
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

Another great Puddn'head Wilson:

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 _______________________________________
( October 12, the Discovery.            )
(                                       )
( It was wonderful to find America, but )
( it would have been more wonderful to  )
( miss it.                              )
(                                       )
( -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's   )
( Calendar"                             )
 ---------------------------------------
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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Diziet Sma
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by Diziet Sma »

<chuckles>

Might have been even more wonderful if that genocidal SOB Columbus and his expedition had all been wiped out by a storm at sea.. :twisted:
Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

Diziet Sma wrote:<chuckles>

Might have been even more wonderful if that genocidal SOB Columbus and his expedition had all been wiped out by a storm at sea.. :twisted:
You forgot sodomite as well.
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

LMAO:

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 ________________________________________
/ It is by the fortune of God that, in   \
| this country, we have three benefits:  |
| freedom of speech, freedom of thought, |
| and the wisdom never to use either.    |
|                                        |
\ -- Mark Twain                          /
 ----------------------------------------
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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Diziet Sma
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by Diziet Sma »

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Let's just say, today will be a learning experience.
Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

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 ____________________________________
( Is that really YOU that is reading )
( this?                              )
 ------------------------------------
  o
   o
       ___  
     {~._.~}
      ( Y )
     ()~*~()   
     (_)-(_)   
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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JazHaz
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by JazHaz »

Are all these just in Linux, or is there a fortune cookie generator in Windows or Mac?

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Diziet Sma
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by Diziet Sma »

'Twas originally a Unix program, which was then ported (naturally) to Linux. Versions also exist for Windows and Mac. Here are a couple:

http://sourceforge.net/projects/fortune-gui/ (Lin/Win/Mac/Java)

http://www.ampsoft.net/games/Fortunes.php (Win 9x/NT/2000/XP - [and probably later])
Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

Diziet Sma wrote:'Twas originally a Unix program, which was then ported (naturally) to Linux. Versions also exist for Windows and Mac.
'Tis neat that there are cross platform fortune cookie generators :D
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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Diziet Sma
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by Diziet Sma »

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You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot today.
Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied

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Diziet Sma
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by Diziet Sma »

An old favourite popped up when I went to update trunk to the latest nightly.. (which, amusingly enough, at 1.77.0.5610 is now actually lagging behind the new Deployment Release, at 1.77.0.5612 :lol: )

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Q:	How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
	The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following.  The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable.  Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation.  Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

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 ______________________________________
( You will be the last person to buy a )
( Chrysler.                            )
 --------------------------------------
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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CommRLock78
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Re: Fortune Cookies

Post by CommRLock78 »

Particularly twisted :D

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 _________________________________________
( Be careful of reading health books, you )
( might die of a misprint.                )
(                                         )
( -- Mark Twain                           )
 -----------------------------------------
  o
   o
       ___  
     {~._.~}
      ( Y )
     ()~*~()   
     (_)-(_)  
"I'll laser the mark all while munching a fistful of popcorn." - Markgräf von Ededleen, Marquess, Brutal Great One, Assassins' Guild Exterminator
---------------------------
At the helm of the Caduceus Omega, 'Murderous Morrígan'

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